Jim Morrison Suicide Pam Courson Options

[waiting for her]

For Jim Morrison

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseacti...ideoid=24406282


nice photo John in your website
thank you
it's not much but it's a little step towards the truth
better the truth than this mask of overdosed drunkard idiot
romance is far beautiful, even when it goes wrong

it was in 2003 and since then I can't see the doors message board
I can't write
I can't see

if I can't write for all the people then my days of death are coming to an end
for 37 years I've been having a type of death going and maybe it's time to reborn
I started very innocent and foolish and coming here now it's for an elite
the big chunk of fans don't come here to this board, I've become a witness for an inner circle



my claim of rebirth is a problem for everybody, not a joy
if Jesus would be back on earth it would be a problem for everybody, not a joy
that's why he is not coming, the thing you did to him the last time he was around makes him think twice
you'd do it again
the truth being told that Jim Morrison shot himself in the head is a problem for everybody, not a motivation to know the man and finally find his heart
why he did that
who was he

for Jim there were only two things worth investing: romance and poetry
he loved Pam but he was also young and full of life
like any young person he wanted to satisfy his hunger to live
there's no wrong in that
except that you get old
and one day you come to realize what kind of things you want to keep and what kind of things you can now drop
because you had them
because you lived them
because you've taken the juice of it all
it's the normal way of things
not morally wrong, not morally right
it's the way our society has brought us to be until we find a path by ourselves that's ours and unpolluted by society and all that social and cultural programming
when it all becomes a repetition you go: ha! got it

and that's what happened, ha! got it
Jim invested his fond deep affections on romance and poetry
his little investment on his parents ended up having dramatic consequences when the time came and he had no other emotional crutch but Pam, or so he thought, wrongly thought
but like it happens to young couples things are hot today and tomorrow they are cold
Pam was getting colder and distant
Her reasons are not the issue
I only care about Jim's reasons, even if wrong, and they certainly were wrong and full of false morality
maybe Jim ended up not understanding democracy in young love hearts and he expected Pam to be there always now that ha! got it had come to him
girl you gotta love your man
back in those days women were supposed to be always there when the man was ready
wrong Jim, wrong
in the meantime Pam had gotten new friends, she could move around the scene by herself
Jim kept getting her back giving her money, buying her clothes, doing everything she wanted
He had invested in Pam with his emotions, his fragile morality
Jim kept going back to her and when she wasn't there he would bring her back, he used money as a bait
he opened his pockets to her and let her in charge
later he writes: how could this be done to me great dancer's witness
he knew he had been feeding the situation
our love's in jeopardy
maybe for a few seconds he saw the danger
but he loved her
he could see no way out
his heart was there
deep inside he thought she loved him
and then he didn't
and then he did again
and finally he realized that maybe it was his wish that she loved him still
then Paris arrived
Pam was young, although addicted to heroin she wasn't wasted
she was full of life
she wanted to try things, to meet people, to be in the top places, to be a Princess, to experiment everything a young woman wants to experiment
like you, like me, like everybody
he asked her to give back the money she spent
the emotional investment
it's time that she takes care of him because he wants to settle down
he wants to settle down, she must want it too
he is tired of those kind of people, she must be tired too
he wants to marry her but he is trapped in the indecision of whether she deserves it or not
whether it's gonna be a waste or a good investment
yet he never once thought of it in this terms: investment
that is a word I use now to describe his emotional involvement
he never had the detachment to look at it like this, or else he would have lived
when you're out you can see it differently, when you're in it's the end - you see it as the end, you put it on drastic terms
he had been buying her company, that's what Jim felt at last
you can't buy love
and if romance fails then what's left?
Poetry is

if I will have to go on without you
I will not go

Here there is at least poetry
And there you are not




This post has been edited by waiting for her: Oct 9 2009, 09:09 PM

[waiting for her]

The years Pam lived without Jim were terrible. She could not live. It's obvious that she could not live. She was pressured, stalked by a woman from NY city who blamed her for everything. People from all sides made Pam feel guilty until she believed she was guilty. People accused her of wanting Jim's money and put that guilt inside her heart trying to do justice, trying to make her suffer even more. But the reality is that none of these people succeeded and only God decides how justice can be in fact done, if this is a case of justice, which it isn't. Justice is a man made concept, it has nothing to do with the Law. Pam died, she got rid of the pressure and the guilt and now she can enjoy her money freely without having to put up with those who stalked her and made her life impossible.

After Jim's suicide with a gun and Pam's suicide with an overdose, things between the Coursons and the Morrisons got ugly. The Coursons accused Jim for leaving Pam in a foreign country under dramatic circumstances: a shot scene. The Morrisons were under pressure. On one hand the money should go to Anne and Andy but due to Pam's suffering and tragedy they all agreed to be silent. Blame here, blame there and the heart of a man was kept hidden because of profit. The band might not sell if the people know Jim committed suicide because of a love gone wrong. So instead they made Jim known for reasons that dishonour his true heart. Drugs, alcoholism, excess, overdose, abuse - it all sells. Young people grow up immitating Jim thinking that he didn't care for love, that love wasn't important, that all he ever wanted was drinking, get wasted, get laid, fuck a lot and end up like a rotten rock n' roll cowboy. Many young lives, many families were destroyed because of this myth. The story of a man desperately looking back on his life trying to rescue his love wouldn't sell. The story of a man and his emotional failure, fragility, wouldn't sell. But it would have given you the man he was, not some mask.

and I'm not sad
well I'm mad
and I'm bad

[waiting for her]

Each person gets what he looked for the most. There is apparent confusion, shock. There is apparent regret for one night of misunderstood loneliness. After the love of the material, the sensual and the jealous. After the Poet. What will you be? After what you are now, what you fought so much to be. What will you be next?
When all that is accomplished. When all the juices drunken. And anxiety still is. And the other is just a reflection of what you made the other be. A vision of your own deceit.

Remember
After the Poet, the President, The Priest, the Politician, The Doctor, The Scientist, The Sherif
After being what you want to be
What will you be next?
Remember

Life after life after life after life
I be what
I be what
A thousand years in what
A brave new day in who


Nobody is walking on the same level of awareness. Nobody is waiting for you when you are finally done with your illusions. Because nobody is responsible for your illusions but you. It's nobody's duty to be there waiting for you when you find your truth. So if you won't be there yourself, nobody else will.



Mantra of avalokiteshvara


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVKSCqs1Ezo


I love the mantras with female and male voices singing together
There is something very special when it's sung this way
They express a completion, a wholeness

This post has been edited by waiting for her: Nov 4 2009, 05:45 PM

[waiting for her]

The night is gone
and so is gone the poetry
and the mystery of death
and the bars
and the wine
the brothels, the cars,
the women
party highways
Friends of the beast
are gone with the night

Words gave no wisdom
twisted the soul
played with the night
to pretend spirit, heights
philosophy
coiled bullshit

The night is gone
poetry lost life
the night is dead, who believes it?
I am standing outside the whorehouse
the rock star is inside
cocks in christian costums
cowboy education - crosstianity
the lie the lie

Then I saw him leaving
looking back on his dust
suffering for his body
tormented by his gold
That's when he looked at me,
asked me who I was
why I was there

"I am you in years from now
I had to see you one last time"

Mantra of avalokiteshvara

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVKSCqs1Ezo

This post has been edited by waiting for her: Nov 4 2009, 09:13 PM

[waiting for her]

- death and my cock are the world

-

- I can dissociate my cock from my emotions and besides I love all the women, not just one but all of them

- ha really?

- here, let's drink

- alright, a drink with you

- I drink and then I go mental and I write

- what if you don't drink? you don't write?

- well...

- you are a materialistic

- not really I'm a poet, I don't care much for material stuff

- oh really? I thought you said your cock was the world and that you go mental when you drink

- going mental is not being materialistic

- oh yes it is, the mind is the abstract side of your body, the body is the matter of matter and the mind is the abstract matter of the body, the metaphysics of matter. no brain no mind. without brain there is no mind

- I'm a spiritual person

- no you are not. that is what your mind says and the mind is never spiritual. the spiritual person doesn't need the mental, only consciousness, that which doesn't die with the body because it is not attached to your brain

- well...

- and then you drink which means more materialism

- but...

- and then your cock and sex

- death and my cock are the world

- hmmmm... why not death and love are the world?

- I can dissociate my cock from love, I can fuck without loving

- so the day your cock stops working you die

- when death comes my cock dies

- no I mean, what if your cock dies first?

- how?

- well you drink too much and you can dissociate your cock from loving, you get your stimulation from alcohol and with alcohol emotion is blind

-

- one day you will stop responding unless you drink alcohol. what will you do then?

- I drink more

- correct. and then you get ill. not only the body gets ill but the mind too. all your materialism collapses

- right but you're forgetting something

- and what is that big boy?

- I still have death

- ha yes of course, the other side of the world for you

- enough! I don't drink with you no more

- huh me?! what have I said? what did I do?

- I have death. I have death

- easy big boy, there's no need to be upset.

- I'm spiritual you see, when all else fails I still have death

- which means you still have the last of drugs, the last escape. your vision of death is only more materialism. you die and it's finished right?

- my mind can't take it. I'm ill, I'm bored, I can't respond. I need peace in my mind

- correct. death will give you that peace because it's the end of the body and the end of abstract matter, the mind, which is the thing you can't put to peace.

-

- you are prepared for non-existence. no matter, no existence. a materialistic vision of the world and yourself. there's nothing spiritual in it. and well, I got to go now

- wait! wait! have another drink with me. stay my wild love!

- you bet da fucking shit I'm not going to waste any of my time with you

- but I love you better than all the rest that I meet in the summer

- too late

-you gotta love your man!

- I'm tired of you. there's no more magic in you. my heart's run dry

- wait! take him by the hand

- hmmm...

- here's for you, go buy some clothes, buy a new house, get a new car, a trip to the wildest places

- alright, but just this once. you wait here.

- where you going?

- Paris, London...

- can I come?

- without a cock? only if you die

- well you're not going anywhere

- trying to stop me?

- I'm the air you breathe, food you eat, friends you meet

- I'm going!

- if you walk out that door you'll never see me again

- pff!






This post has been edited by waiting for her: Nov 12 2009, 07:08 PM

[waiting for her]

- anyways, I'm Jim Morrison. who da fuck are you little girl?

- well big boy, I'm the one who's going to reduce you to shit!

- is there any special poem that I wrote that you like?

- "I'm not talking to an imaginary girl, I'm talking to you, myself"

- see? I was thinking of you

- of course! it's always the woman who pays. she pays for the mistakes that men do!

- I never mean to hurt you

- but you did hurt me when you hurt yourself. you had all the fun and I have all the trouble

- I hurt too. I lost my cock and the world

- and I lost parental affection. they divorced I was only 2 years old. and so I never had brothers and sisters. my love life is damned from the day I was born and the poetry has no value for me anymore. I don't believe in it. I don't believe in drinking or doing drugs. I was forced to wake up because you slept too much!

- I had no idea it was going to be like that

- ha! see how much of a big shit you are?! you the top of the heights! the most philosophical and smart kid in the class. yet you didn't know the most important: what goes around comes around. my father doesn't give a shit about me, it's worse than if he was dead. my mother keeps fucking me and all because of your poetic heart, a well educated christian who runs from responsibility and calls his children illegitimate leaving them without a name!

-

- how dare you call your children illegitimate? what morality is that? your morality is bogus! you are a coward! a coward!

- I just wanted to stop my mind, find some peace inside

- you said you wanted to be a girl of 16

- you're not 16

- 16 august that's me.

- but you're not the queen of the magazine

- when I'm dead I'll be.

- here, have a drink

- no!

- do you want me to tell you about the shaman and how the whole tribe was healed?

- bullshit! the shaman is nothing but an addict. an addict who is accepted by the society he lives in. a type of priest who does drugs, that's all.

- maybe then I can tell you about Texas radio and ...

- nothing you say is relevant. you have nothing for me. I know much more than you ever did

- perhaps we can talk about paganism or the greeks

- the greeks were homosexual politicians, little boy sucks mentor prick, little boy gets fucked in the ass by mentor

- paganism then?

- paganism is old and full of superstition, it's a thing of dreams, fantasy, fables, childish stories. there is no meditation, no path to Buddha, no zazen, nothing that can help me relieve my troubles. I want a clear head not fairy tales from old traditions.

- I know what you want. You want to see my cock. I'm gonna show it to you, I'm gonna show it.

- I help you: look at his cock! look at his cock!

(a girl walks by)

- have you looked at my cock?

- she hasn't, she walked too fast. hey miss! come back here,

(a boy walks by)

- hey lad! look at his cock

- I did look

- no he didn't, tell him to come back

- lad, you are trying to deceive us. you didn't look.

- I did. I did

- you did but not properly. now look at his cock properly

- I did it properly

- so where's the photo?





This post has been edited by waiting for her: Nov 12 2009, 11:58 PM